i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
