I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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