based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize