I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Welp...herpes.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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