the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
