i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
