I wanna passion pit in your ass
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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