im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
