I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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