can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also, beer. Big fan.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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