So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize