I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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