We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
