two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
nutella sex= disaster
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
