Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
