My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize