Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
