Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
