@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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