A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
