3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
