I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
