Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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