i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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