Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
