she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
