I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
