Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
