are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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