Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
