I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
