I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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