We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
