I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She even gives head with a lisp.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
