There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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