so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
