I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just sucked dick on a ferry
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
