worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
