There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
