I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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