dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
