dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
