Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
