I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
