good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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