is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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