i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
