Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
