I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
