WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I look excited, but its just a facade.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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