she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
