Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
