Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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