i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
