YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
