So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
