Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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