I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
