he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
