They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
