she woke up with a sticky ear
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
