Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
