Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Drake has all the answers
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
