I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
