false alarm. still invincible.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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