oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
