still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
foreskin is a definite game changer
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
