Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(906): View more from Michigan

i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.

(989): View more from Michigan

you're going for the gold here.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.

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(408): View more from California

she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way

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(310): View more from California

My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.

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(813): View more from Florida

obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well

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(207): View more from Maine

The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....

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