Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
