Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
