I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
